…about Standing Rock





It means “Unity.”

This is what all of this…chaos…with all of this unneeded pipeline was all about…it was the Universe’s way of making us look at ourselves.

We are not in as bad shape as we thought we were, at least not in the way that we were interpreting what it was that we were all watching happen…yes, the 2016 elections.

We were in unity, we were in lokahi, but, at the level that we did not need to be. I have to put it out and in front of everyone, right now, and that is that in the most unconscious manner, we let our egos out to play.

Yet, what we were not prepared for, at all, was that the other team…the pipeline investors…wanted to take the ball home, because they were losing. They found out that the kids in the neighborhood were not having that. They found out that throwing sand in their eyes …that we meant business – we were no longer, on many levels, willing to allow ourselves to be bullied by the kids who lived in the more affluent neighborhoods. This is the only way that it can be described because this is the way that it felt, at least to this intuitive.

We found out a whole lot about ourselves, and lots of it was important.

We found out that we don’t play well with each other and that it is not now, nor has it ever been our fault. We also found out that we were not willing to let our indigenous family ever have to fight for what has always been there, were not willing to make them repeat the travel on the trail of tears. We showed up, in droves, because they were not the only ones who were not havin’ that.

None of us were, and at one moment we forgot the actual reason why- the children, not just of Standing Rock, but, all of them, all over the planet, and not only here at home in the United States.

The children, all over the planet, were watching…even the ones in the ugliest neighborhoods on the planet, the roughest places in our communities…I know this, because I reach out to those ones in particular, because those are the truest people, the golden people – they are the ones who know struggle. They are children turning the ugliest places into the playgrounds that they don’t have access to…the harshest thing to hear is the laughter of children at play in places they ought to not be laughing, but laugh,they do.

…because only in childhood can beauty be experienced in the midst of chaos…because childhood is chaotic, but it did not have to be this chaotic. We forget that it doesn’t take much to scare children. Then one day, we remembered, because teachers in our public schools are talking about it…and it reached our kids, and it became real to them.

We saw the fears of the kids at Standing Rock in our own kids.

We remembered what was important, and it was not what we thought it was. We found out that we are legion, are numerous, are here in droves. We found out, on a large global scale, that we care…and it is not just a little bit, but a whole, whole lot. 

This is who we are, we, the people.

We care.

About each other.

About children in particular.

We want to save them from the monsters of life, of our times, and we want them to be what we were never, which was living in an actual energy of feeling safe and secure within our homes, in our lives and most importantly, in ourselves. We have, without getting ugly, and only with the heart and soul of the planet, of the Universe, of the Goddess, right there, prodding all of us who are called “Mom” to do what is right, no matter what, and that was to make certain that this tiny little patch of land that does not belong to anyone BUT those Sioux children, stayed theirs.


And it happened.

It Happened…Lokahi WORKED

Our unified stance, NOT AGAINST anything but FOR the generations to come...THIS is what caused this outcome, this beautiful beginning, because this is not about an end to anything other than that making it completely clear to the powers that WANT to be, that they are not above the populace, and that the populace, when the innocent are involved, is GOING TO be victorious.

The populace came to the call of duty – even the retired military…one of them walked 800 miles to make it there, to be there for his people, the tribal Nations of America…the Native American Peoples. This was an ugly time, a time that showed us our black and our white, sometimes literally, and we had to face ourselves. When it came to looking at the vulnerable nature of children, of any nation, we began to remember who we are.

We began to recall the things that were important to us when we were children.

As parents, we are responsible to make our kids feel secure, not only physically, but, within themselves and emotionally. They hear everything, and they are lot more intuitive than we think they are…and I only recall this because this is what I was. I had an imagination, and it is not always beautiful. Sometimes it is scary, because I have been that child who felt alone, and who sometimes, in her own confusion, was alone, because I was so…different. The children who are different – these are the ones who are most affected. ALL CHILDREN WERE AFFECTED BY THIS, whether we know it or not, believe it or not...this is the truth.

They know now that people are unkind, but there are people who will always love them, and people who will be there, in their corner, if not in their lives, pleading with the world to please, remember them, and more, remember you and who you were and what scared you when you were just a child. Remember that you were this vulnerable, and that there are big people who will think about themselves, who will spend insane amounts of money, thinking about their own children and what that investment can do for these kids of theirs.

But, the world has children outside of those golden walls of affluence.

Not all children live in affluence.

This was not what was thought about, two years ago, when it was that this pipeline came into meetings and think tanks and things that the rest of us know nothing about…at all. We cannot even begin, the majority of us, to think about how much money that we are talking about, only that it was an amount of money that we cannot even begin to think about making, let alone seeing, in our lifetimes, even combined with those who are closest to us.

These are the people who we are talking about, and these are the people who are not seeing past their bottled water and their ability to make us all think that that level of purity is in a bottle, rather than in the core of the Mother…Haumea.…Earth.

We are mere humans, and we are not here to change this place. It is here to help us change to do what is needed to keep the future safe.

Keep the Future Safe

Water is life.

It is.

My Astrological element is water. So is the Maestro’s. If anyone can tell anyone else about the destructive, or the transformative, or the life giving, or the anything else…of water, because we are each of the water element…it is either of us. The each of us. We get it. It sucks, but we get it. It is scary how much we understand things that happen around us, but, when it happens to us, because we see it outside of us, then it happens in our lives, perhaps to us, or to the other, and we just don’t get it.

Even though we totally get it. Because we are water. We know that water is life. We know that damage to the self is unneeded, but it happens, but, who would do this to themselves – what would cause humans to think that other humans would want their own children to go through what a special-to-themselves-group of people would think of themselves, but not of children, from anywhere, and who are any children?

Who would do all this damage…and why?

Why would anyone Native want to hurt anything Earth? They wouldn’t


And then this whole…#NoDAPL thing happened, and suddenly, the mom in me comes out, and she comes roaring to the forefront of things, at least in her own world, where she makes the very most difference. And the way that she tells people about this ugliness happening, this crap that was going on to these indigenous people in North Dakota for a very, very long time now in our lives, in these times…is to relate it to them in terms of their children.



That me…the one who celebrates holidays with her children because of her children and their existence in her life. That me, the one who understands being the child, as well as being the mom, and being the intellectual, and the behavioral scientist, and looking at it as though it is a people soup and not the sort that I like.

It is like the ants in the pile of vomit that a bunch of over-indulgent investment bankers who just got a little too …indulged…with their need for us all to be invested in the idea that we need oil, rather than realizing that the Beatles were right in that indeed….here comes the sun and all of its life giving, energy producing goodness. We don’t realize this. They needed us dependent on their oil, and they wanted to poison water, because one of their own people – another super rich guy – wants the human race to believe that we do not have a right to water.

And a lot of us believe this crap…until we bring it home to them, and suddenly someone like me puts it in perspective for other people and remind them of what it is that they would do for their own children…and why was it not that big of a deal that we not allow this to happen, no matter what. We do not see what is there until it comes to the forefront of things, and then, we want to know how it is that we have been involved.

Then we think about things in another manner….

Until it happens in our lives, and sometimes, when it happens on the grand scale, where what we have to say feels like it is not about us or our own, but that on the large scale.

North Dakota is that …or rather, was that grand scale.

Global scale.

Together we made sure that we all knew what was happening, and all of the moms could relate to this, because in most indigenous nations, it is the women who are the power behind the people.

Women are typically peaceful, intuitive, nurturing.

We protect the young, no matter whose young they are…we protect the future, because that is what we do…we literally bring into the world, the generations of the future. We are the moms. We are the ones who bring the people who change this place. We don’t know this, but we each and all hope this. Then one day, we realize that it is only our world that it matters that they know this is important. Because this is the thing that they take into their world, so that in that world, particularly with their kids, they want the thing called Love to be recognized and that they created and exists in their world.

They have to learn this from somewhere, and the people who teach them what they know are the moms.

We are who teach them Love. We are their first Love. We matter to them. We are the ones who show them what a mom is supposed to appear to look like, but, then we grow up and we find out that there are moms on this planet who look apart from the thing that we have been taught. We end up realizing that Mom, in and of her place in our singular lives, is important.

But, on the level that is global?

Mom is every single one of us who is actually called “Mom” to at least one person, whether we birthed them or not, blood or not – this is our place. We are here to protect the future. This is why the Water Protectors are Women. They are the Women of Standing Rock. These women are the face of the collective of warrior women, for real, in their lineage. It is the same thing that is Hawaiian, and on that end, we are as tribal as the women of Standing Rock.

We are ka po’e o ka wai…the People of the Water, we Polynesians.

We are the ones who understand, very personally, the connection humans have with water.

This is why this was very, intensely personal for us.

This is why all of the Polynesian Nations were represented at Standing Rock.

This is why we knew what we were fighting for alongside these other global tribal peoples, and it was a very beautiful thing that was born of a very vile thing…a thing called greed.

Yet, in lokahi, we showed the powers that want to be, and together, online and in person, all over the world, we showed them our war paint…and it was not what they expected.

They expected savages, and they were not met with it. Yet still, they fired, because that is all they were ready for…this cowboys and indians thing. It didn’t happen that way, at all.

Instead, they were met with the women.

They were met with the leaders.

They were met with the scholars.

They were met with the clergy.

They were met with everyone in the world.

But mostly, they were met with the future, met with the children.

Somehow, it worked. The power of immense Love, immense Faith in ourselves, in each other…this is what happened at Standing Rock. We fought on the side of Love, not against Hate. We prayed, and broadcasted, and wrote, and supported, and prayed, and shared, and liked and we did it and we did not stop.

We did not give in.

We were, the very all of us, the People of the Water.

We were very, dearly the People of Aloha…

This is who we are.

The People of The Water.

Standing Rock made us all become the People of The Water...

…we did it….

We did it







SCATHING: Some words about your freedom of speech and my freedom of not wanting to put up with your shit.


When you choose to challenge others through being a scathingly ugly person, it is like stealing their right to freedom of not hearing your crap as much as it is someone else trying to steal your right to freedom of speech.

I have a problem with people lately, more than I have in the past.

I am someone who enjoys the freedom of speech that we are afforded in this country.

I am a writer.

As such, it is mine to enjoy this thing called free speech.

As a public speaker..again…free speech.

However, in some cases, as an American who appreciates everything that every veteran in this country and its history has done, namely losing their lives, so that my right to sit here, for the rest of my life, and write these things, I am a bit dismayed with the idea that there are people who have taken it upon themselves to attack others for having a different opinion than they do. I have the right to think that something is funny, and I have the right to agree with things that some people think are dumb. I have the right to write these things, because I am protected by the same speech laws and rights that others have that allow them the freedom to state, verbally or in writing, whatever it is that they might.

This includes them being …horrid…to us, just because that is who they are, and how they are, and what they do. They do this for whatever reason they might have, but the one reason that I have known, for a lot of years, and now, too, online, is that a bully is a bully, no matter what.

In the past, and not that long ago in the past, the world was not the scathing place that it is now.

“Scathing”…it is a very…passionate … word.

We are, by and large, as humans, very passionate with our words, sometimes in a very ugly way, especially when we feel like there is anything at all to “win.” We like to “win” no matter what, and it is because we have not, a whole lot of us, been taught to also learn to lose well. Whoever said that life is a game didn’t think before they said it, because all that did was turn everyone into either a “winner” or a “loser” and the truth is that life is NOT a game, but an experience.

I do not feel as though it takes anyone at all very much …in them…to be nice, or at least cordial, even though you want to be otherwise. It seems very odd to me that anymore now, we seem more inclined to give an opinion rather than to state facts and more, to state what are our own actual facts to anyone at all, even those who, because of their demeanor, whether it is online or offline, disagree with us.

In fact, that is the one time that we need to be on our best behavior and if anyone at all knows about it being hard to behave one’s own self, it is this chick.

Behave your damned selves already…

It might well be that over the course of the last year, things that have happened in my life, as well as in the lives of those who are the very closest to me, that I have chosen to not argue with people when it comes to their opinion…unless, of course, they attack me online.

No. I cannot take a joke, and no, I do not want to make anyone think, for any reason at all, that I want to go back and forth with them – I don’t. The hardest time that I have had in exercising this…behavior of mine…and that is nothing at all like it used to be (in your face, ghetto style even). There was a time when I used to speak to people as though I was smarter than they were and sharper with my words than lots of people were (and yes, I think this way now, but it is not the same energy…please, keep reading), and thought so because why?

Because I was that good, and I could do this whole…being horrid to others in writing… and was good at it…that’s why.

That was a very long time ago.

These days, I happen to like walking on the side of the rope that tells me to always, even when I am right, even when I am using foul language…try hard to be nice to others.

I am not going to fail to what I used to be. I will not now, and within the best of my better abilities, try hard to NOT, go there, ever, when it comes to arguing with people, namely not over an opinion that might be something that not everyone agrees with.

I will not be abused in any manner, by anyone, ever again…no, not even on something as ridiculous as social media.

I have the same right to not have to put up with peoples’ ugliness on my network profiles as they do to not have to put up with mine, and more, not have to put up with their nastiness on things which I post and are based completely on my opinion. I maintain the right that we all have to NOT be disrespected, NOT be called names, NOT have to deal with shitty people and their shittiness…at all.

I have, over time, kept my ability to demean things and people, or at least have tried to, NOT get personal with those who I know, in check. It is a challenge, to say the very least, but I do it because I have, in a year’s time, been honed by life. I have endured a LOT, with, for, and because of other people. Only in a few instances has it been that I loved them enough to stick by them that it made it all worth while for me. I have watched the one person who I love, and love as much as I love those three people who call me mom (and a few who call me this and who are my adopted soul kids) go through the unkindnesses that he has gone through. Think whatever you want to, but, it takes very little to be kind to people. Even when we don’t agree with them.

Most folks have me pegged as someone who is possessed of a sharp, forked tongue, when the reality is that I cannot lie about things and have a clear conscience about it afterwards. It takes me a bit of time to call people on their stuff, and when I do, I am questioned, as though I have questioned them personally about who they are, rather than them bothering to see that this is me, in writing, in all of my personal brilliance and glory, able to make choices based on the things that are important to me, rather than on what is popular right now.

What is popular right now is hatred and ignorance.

I am too educated for either of those two things unless it is well placed. I am not about to go rounds with people who cannot keep up with me intellectually, just because all of their lives, they never valued intelligence.

I have maintained that these people have the right to not feel like I am attacking them, because I am very good at attacking people, whether you believe that much or not.

However, I find it boring to attack, and will not have the thought in my head to seek out other peoples’ different opinions. I would rather be kind to someone over something we have in similarity than to continue to tell them what it is that I am and that they are not. They are able to do the same thing, and then what are you going to do, get mad at them?

I have the same right that anyone else has to not have to feel like I am being demeaned, being belittled, being thought of as anything other than my damned self. As my damned self these days, the last thing that I am going to do is become one of those…crazy-ass, loud-ass females who has to get loud just to get heard.

And this especially applies to men who like to respond in an ugly way to anything that I have to say on my walls. As ridiculous as it sounds or reads, what you are seeing there are the things that I think about. While you reserve the right to your freedom of speech, I, too, reserve certain rights, and one of those rights is the right to NOT be cyberbullied. 

By anyone, of any age…ever…


I might be loud, but, there are a lot of people who, these days, will tell you that I do not get loud on people when I get mad anymore (unless I am triggered…that is different).

I get educated on people, and remind them that I am not going to deal with them or their crap, that I am not going to deal with one more person, specifically ANY man, being an asshole, just because that is their right to not only be that way, but to express through their freedom of speech just how much of an asshole they have the propensity towards being.

As much as it is their right to their opinion, it is my right to not respond in their favor when I have been abused in writing.

I will not allow others to belittle me, call me a liar, tell me that I am wrong for having an opinion about what it is that I think is good, right, moral and something that I believe in. I will never again let another carbon-based being, no matter who they are or who they think they are, no matter what they want to believe or what it is that they have opinions about in terms of what I believe…those people will never, ever get to me again.

There is nothing in their right to freedom of speech that states that I have to sit there and take their shit.

I don’t.

No one does, and really, that is not an opinion, but a fact.

As much as we all enjoy our freedom of speech in this country, we sure do not value sometimes very needed silence. We say we value education, and then many of us behave as though being educated means that we think we are better than other people, and so that means that in some places, and in the minds of a few thousand people, educated people are actually stupid people.

This is not my stating that there are not some among us who are very intelligent. It is to state though that too many of us tend to speak about things, calling ourselves experts because we have an opinion that lots of other people agree with. Lots of people think that this makes them smart. It doesn’t take a lot of smarts to make people think you are smart. It just takes you to know who your greatest audience is going to be and where you are going to get the most agreement with your opinions that you will get people who think that, based on that opinion, they are right.

Again…popular does not mean right, in any manner at all. When we think that our opinions are more important than are the facts of other people and their lives and who they are, we are not being smart, but merely acting like we are so that we can be the smartest of the opinionated people. This is fine.

Been there.

Done that.

It’s lonely there. I promise.

We think we are so damned smart here, when really, all we are is opinionated. We allow it that other people can and do piss us off a whole lot, over, of all things, opinions instead of facts. We allow what others think about anything at all, that is not the same thing that we think, is somehow the thing that makes us superior to them.

Just like all else that doesn’t…such as income level, zip code, race…

It doesn’t.

That people win things wrongly all the time is one thing.

That other people will gloat over the fact that a win is a win is another thing all together. The most alarming thing about this is that just as much as we will accept other people treating us badly, we will also apologize to them for our having had a difference of opinion. Why?

What are you sorry for? Why are you sorry for having an original thought? What is making any one of us believe that who we are is such a big deal that what we opine about is somehow the truth of all truths.

And this is the truth…that our own truth, at least where we, ourselves and ourselves alone, are concerned, is the truth. It is our truth. If we know it is factual to our own lives, then the only truth it needs to be is ours. No one else’s will matter because very simply, their truth and your truth will not be the same truth. It won’t be the same truth because you are not the same two people – each person is given to their own version of the truth. My truth is not going to match yours.

Big deal.

I am not going to sit here defending my truth because it is not going to change. Where you are getting the idea that I am somehow okay with being verbally and “in writing” abused by anyone is foreign to my thought process because in my thoughts, I am not a bad person who deserves to be treated in the manner that many have, over the last few weeks, treated anyone at all.

It is not particular to just me. It seems rampant, this constant…fucking with people.

It seems like it has come to an entire world filled with no-holds-barred vitriol and for what?

So you can feel like an even bigger winner through being a scathing asshole?

Disagreeing with me is one thing, but please manage to keep your manners about you when pointing out your disagreement, and do, please, if you have the balls to say anything that is anything at all different to what I have as my belief and my opinion, also keep to the facts…and keep your name calling to yourself. It ain’t okay, and no, I am not cool with it.

I won’t allow people to be bad to me, or be anything but what I am like with them personally…which is always typically very kind.

If I am not being kind, then it means, very simply, that you have not been kind to me. That is all that this means. If I am being an asshole to you, it means that in the past, you have been one to me and made an excuse as to why you had and will maintain that right.

If you have been mean to me, you will know you have been, because I will refuse to return your calls, your texts, and of course, your online jabs at me.  It does not bother me that you have your opinions about me, and it does not bother me that you have those thoughts about me that I might not like. However, when they are thoughts, and they are not voiced, I won’t have this…idea…about you that somehow, my friendship with you does not merit the same weight of importance to you as how your words affect me.

And let’s expand on that …your words….for a moment, shall we?

Words, as I have said many times in the past, have power…use them wisely

Whether or not we hit other people back with our words is on us. We have forgotten how to talk to one another in a caring and loving way. We have forgotten that the things that are not going on in our lives for real, the things that are collectively felt and known, things that we do not have a choice about, and we have forgotten that we are not here to be anything other than love, or a lesson in what is not love.

Hurting others, namely when we know them personally, is not a game, at least not to the people who we do this to. I am no stranger to people being crappy to me, all because I have a different opinion than they do. The problem, again, is not that our opinions differ, but that other people get so personal with us when ours do not match theirs. It is a problem, and is one that is apparently HUGE.

I hate to sound like a whiner, but, over these last couple of weeks, we are all lots more…hyper-sensitive…and we are each and all thinking about just winning some strange battle with people we have known for many years, or even a couple of years, and people we know not at all. We are ready to fight with people over our opinions, and the reason is because our opinions are deeply rooted as being part of our ego-selves and our ego-selves are not liking feeling like we are being treated like what we think we are entitled to versus what it is that we deserve.

What we are entitled to is nothing.

What we deserve is nothing less than what we have given to others in terms of what it is that we felt…were of the opinion that and of…they deserved, as if we were somehow the person who has the right to judge someone else, simply because they disagree with them.

…so, pretty much…be kind to one another.


Yeesh !

Our Collective Pain is Caused by Our Collective Disconnectedness

TMB Johann Hari.jpg

This guy wants us all to know that addiction and freedom from it is NOT a sobriety, not even a chemical thing, but a connectivity thing.

The guy in the picture is Johann Hari.

If you click on the photo, you will be taken to his TED Talk. It is titled Everything You Think You Know About Addiction is Wrong.  And really, the only thing that I can say is that he is correct.

People do not become addicted to anything unless they do not have some sort of connection with at least ONE other human being.

Just one.

That is all that is needed to stave it off.

I know this, for sure.

It’s a brain thing, which leads to an emotional thing.

We are humans. We need to be closely connected to at least one other person, no matter who they are. As long as they are healthy, and as long as they are true, addiction has a lesser chance of happening. If more people would stop being jerks to those who are addicted to anything at all, and realize that the reason their loved ones are addicted is NOT because of what they are assuming it is, there will be a better chance of those who are addicted no longer being addicted.

It is not a choice. It is an ailment.

It is not a crime. It is something that lots of people judge as being bad, rather than what it really is, which is a sickness, even a disease that kills the soul.

That is…until the addiction can be dealt with. The way that we deal with anything like this is to ask the question, NOT of how they got addicted to a substance, but, how it was that it was allowed that our loved ones, no matter who they are, got into this mess to begin with?

It is a connectivity thing.

I have always thought this way – that the people who are hurting simply got tired of hurting, simply needed a way to escape their pain, and simply, they turned to something that they would eventually have in common with another person. People, by and large, connect with us. When we have a divine connection, we have something to look forward to with one other person. When we are sure of that connection, becoming addicted to anything becomes less of a threat. When we have a human connection with and to just one other significant person in our lives, it makes all the difference in the world, even if the healing takes place after the fact. (Because not all people who are part of the reason why people end up wanting to be healed will be around after the fact – some of them come into our lives to make the addiction happen, so that through the soul, we can filter the addiction, and perhaps even them, out of our awareness….harsh…but true…please, keep reading)

We demonize these people. We tell them to get help and then we abandon them. We tell them that they are loved, give them ultimatums and then, turn away from them. We want people to be there for us, but, when it comes down to it, we don’t want to deal with the issue that perhaps we do not realize we were a part and party to these loved ones becoming what they become.

We end up throwing more pain at them and BANG!

It starts…and we tell them, again and again, to get help, and we don’t realize that we are part of their pain and part of their madness. We want them to do what we want them to do, but not for THEIR purpose only…but selfishly, ours, as well. We know they need help, but it is beyond what we are offering in terms of what kind of help…

Not just a kick ass residential treatment program. Not just group therapy with other addicts. Not just the things that we have all been told is the truth. And there are a lot of things that we have been told is the truth.

I know a whole lot of people who have been there, and have done that, and the entire world has this..agenda…to criminalize these people when in reality, it is not their issues that make them a criminal rather than them being someone who is suffering emotionally.

It is not a crime to be an addict, even though some of the things that addicts do are criminal in nature. I will not sit here and tell anyone that they are wrong for hurting, and I will not further make people who hurt, hurt more, and no way at all will I agree with the idea that once an addict, always an addict, or the idea that they cannot be trusted, just because they are addicted, because they are hurting, and that is how I will  choose to see them – hurting, and not needing to be hurt anymore.

However, there is another group with whom I have an issue, namely when it comes to other peoples’ addictions – the ones who have been there, done that, and think that they know the on;y reason and reality of why people are addicted. I want to ask those who would make these hurting people hurt more why it is that they forgot about what it was like to hurt that badly, enough to have to mask the pain with substance or activity or things…why are you demonizing them, and more, why is it that you want to believe that you trying to help them, by making them see what they will lose (because they already know what they are going to lose…didn’t you?)…how about show them how YOU are doing now? Would that not be the right way to do this? Show them how well you did? Point it out without being a douche bag about it and make certain that they know and believe that really, you mean every word you gave them in confidence to their issues?

You know they hurt, and because they hurt, they make promises that they do not realize that they cannot keep. In that moment, when they are trying hard, they …we…are told that we must be high – because why else would we be nice to them, and why else would we be normal, and why else would it matter what we think of them and them of us?

Why, most of all, would we feel the need to judge someone in pain? And why, of course, is anyone criminalizing people who need healing, not more to hurt about?

Because they are not criminals, per se…they are doing criminal things to support their addiction.

Criminals are typically born that way. Addicts are in pain, and pain is given to us by others who are also in pain.

I know this. I am no stranger to pain. I am no stranger to wanting to get rid of my pain through outer means. In my case, it was pills and booze. In my case, it was drinking and forgetting. In my case, it was anything but criminal and the things that were happening to me WERE criminal…but, I was the bad one. I was the one with the problem…

Blame the addict, not the things going on in the lives and in the soul of them….these are bad people. They are out of control.

This, I have found, because I have asked, is the opinion of the populace at large.

It is not everyone who thinks this way…just a vast majority.

This needs to be corrected. 

This is not my stating that there are not people who are both addicts and shitty human beings. This is my stating that not all addicted people, no matter what it is that they may be addicted to, are shitty people, and this is to say that not all addicts remain addicts.

There are a lot of people on this planet who seem to think that since they have been there, and have done that, and made it out alive and able to tell their story of redemption, that somehow they are the people who have been sent here to make sure that not only other addicts know that they did it themselves, but that those other addicts, even if they do not outright state so, are somehow dirty and evil, and no…no they are not.

What they are is sick.

What they are is involuntarily disconnected  from everyone who they love, trust, need in their lives, NOT to pander to their addictions, but, instead, continue to Love them for who they are, and who they want to be again. 

This is something that I know a lot of people do not want to think is the truth, and until the day came that my guy told me that addicts, we must remember, really have no idea what they are doing once it is that they find themselves helpless and hopelessly stuck in the idea that they are somehow not good human beings.

He has said this to me for months now, about a person who he specifically knows is my family, is someone who I care about and who I want to see the best life happen for. There are people who he knows, who he also cares a great deal about, and because of his explanation of things from the other side of it, I was prompted to learn a bit more about it and to be more open to the idea that there is more than one way to become an addict, and that not all of it is tied to trying things out just once.

Much of it is tied to pain and much of it is tied to being ignored, to being told who you are instead of knowing for sure that who you are for real is good enough for you, and to hell with everyone else. His sharing with me about certain periods of his own life, and me with him about mine, clearly pointed to one thing and one thing that I did not know that I was doing and one thing that I had not thought about and damn surely – I did not like it when others were telling me that I was this, that and the other.

Since I had been there, and done that, I, too, became, in that instance, the thing that I did not want to be.

I became a know it all, and really, outside of my own issue – I knew NOTHING.

Let us get one thing very adequately and dearly understood  – that someone is an addict only means one thing: they needed something to make themselves feel better about anything, and when they could not find that very one person who they could depend on to be there for them, in every way but specifically the “I am here for you for real” way, they felt like they had, like they have, nothing.

That is a very lonely place to be.

I know now that the thing that I was addicted to was NOT any substance, but, the very thought that in my own abilities, I could change a person (I CANNOT AND NEITHER CAN ANYONE ELSE). I tried, relentlessly, to get the man who abused me for twenty-five years of my life, NOT to be good to me, because I no longer cared and neither care what this person thinks of me, because the only “relationship” that there is left is in the sense that is “okay…so you’re their dad…be their dad…”

What I care about is that people are heard, cared about, believed, namely if they have been through a hell that no one else can bother with wanting to know about- when you have been through stuff, and stuff that sucks ass, you, me, we all want at least one other person we have something in common with, that we have a Divine connection with, to be in our lives.

A Divine Connection

I bet you each thought I was writing about addiction, and perhaps that I might even be trying to promote community programs for them.

If that is what you are getting from this, okay, great.

But, the truth is that the thing that I am promoting here is NOT that.

It is the Divine Connection.

We have a connection to one another. We are tied to one another energetically. When someone in our personal tribe of souls hurts, we all hurt. When we are disconnected, we do not realize that we are. When we have these thoughts of grandiosity about what is wrong about us and bad about us, we lose ourselves in that grandiosity, in that place where we want to think is the truth and the truth that we keep hanging on to.

We want the world to think we are okay and when the world finds out that we are not, it is the world, not our truest, closest people, who will turn its back.

It is through these …anomalies…in our own lives that we find out who is there for us, ,who will love us, no matter what. It is when we are so invested in our own pain and in that pain one other person sees us through the lens that is Love rather than chastisement that we begin to see who we are breaking through the darkness of the false self created by the pain and by the way that we deal with the pain.

When we realize that we have come to that place that no one else can relate with, and we know that we are there and still alive and well and breathing…we know Love, and we know the Truth of who we are, no matter who wants to tell us that we are bad because we got hold of some bad chemicals, or bad foods, or bad habits…and called them good for us.

My friends….addiction is not a one person illness. It is an illness that affects all of us, and one that we can conquer, if we know the truth of a person. I know the truths of lots and lots of people, and through all of their pain, all of their struggle, for some of them, I have remained that one person who, even if I am only their cleric, does not make them feel like they are criminals. I will not lie and say that there have not been one or two who I have had to involve the police in, but that is because their addiction led them to become a threat to others, which always and ultimately leads them to also become a threat to themselves.

In that energy, I will leave you with this…

…when you have the opportunity to be of good cause to anyone else, but specifically to those who are hurting, don’t pass it up – you are being met with that person because Spirit has sent them to you for a reason. You either have a lesson to learn from them that you, specifically need to learn, and lots of times, there is more than only one lesson, perhaps several, all to be learned by one person.

When you have the means within you, within your soul, and you know without a doubt that this person who you love is hurting, reach out to them, and don’t make them be alone in this time in their lives, make them be on their own when really, they didn’t get to this place on their own. Shitty people came into their lives and made them hurt somehow. Perhaps it is your job to show them that they do not need to hurt or perhaps it is you who needs to learn how to not hurt others, others who totally need a Divine Connection. Do what you must to protect yourselves, but by all means, reach out and let them know that they are not alone.

It is in the darkness that is being alone and feeling every bit of it, is in knowing that tangibly there is no one else there who we can talk with and who will “get it” in terms of what we are experiencing where you will make the most amount of difference for anyone else at all.

It is within us each and all to look past what is the social agreement that everyone seems to have, with whoever and for whatever reason we have them, that is in charge of us. We are worried what everyone else will think about our choices about that person and what that person is going through that we will forget about, and lots of us who have been there and done that hold the key to their wellness, each and every single last one of us.

It is within the heart of the ailing who only wants to be heard, listened to, taken seriously, and most of all, loved that we will reach them…

It is the Divine Connection of Love between Human Souls that is the remedy…and not the assumptions based on whatever it is that anyone “tough love’ wants to believe.

Love is Love….it is neither tough, nor gentle. It is Love.

Love is the answer

It is the Cure







No matter what…PRAY !


Hawai’ians call it Pule…which translates to the word “Pray” in the English language. None the less, and no matter what, now is the time that we each and all NEED to  Pray for each other and more importantly, to pray for our very selves…

I am no stranger to the Hawai’ian version of what these African-American women are, which are obviously followers of the Christian religion, in one of its many forms. The thing that they are doing in this photo is obvious and ought to be obvious to any one of us…they are praying, and for the most part, we, as a collective, do not do nearly enough of it….

For the very first time in a very long time, the one thing that I am writing about, not only to remind me, but more, to remind all of us of is that there is one thing that none of these …self-help, new age-ish, “metaphysical” teachers, gurus, “experts” are telling anyone, and for the life of me, I cannot figure out WHY !

When all else (seems) to fail, do what your Nana taught you to do and PRAY!


This is a photo of my grandmother, the person to whom we each and all referred to as being “Nana.” Her name was (is) Katherine.

I sometimes loved her more than I loved breathing, still love her, and love her because she taught all of us the value of praying, the value of believing that outside of the very each of us is a power bigger than we are, and that all we have to do is believe that this power is there to help us along in our lives. While it is that I did not become the minister that I am sure she would have loved to know was her grand-daughter, I became one who would carry on her very spiritual tradition of praying, always praying.

My Nana, no matter who says otherwise, was always praying, always thanking her god for all she had in her life and while she was in her body, the thing that she asked me, even well into my adulthood, was…is…if I remembered to pray before going to sleep.

Of course I did.

Of course I do.

Of course!

Whether anyone reading this wants to believe me when I write this, the truth is that scientifically, prayer WORKS. Scientifically, and if you and anyone else reading this with you wants to check it out, the best thing that I can use as that proof is that in the world of Quantum Physics, and by the tutelage of two of my most favorite instructors at MtSac (Hello Professors Lane), prayer WORKS. Prayer has attached to it this thing called energy. In our Universe there are these things called endless possibilities, and within those things are the very kernels of miraculous things happening for the each and every one of us.

When we pray, it is our intention that brings us what we need, and most importantly, brings what is our focus rather than what is our desire, whether it is tangible or intangible. The fact of the matter is that when we pray, we send our fervent energies to the Universe, we send the very dearest and deepest thoughts and desires to the All That Is, and when we do so with full faith – even as it might take a little bit of time to get to us, the bottom line truth is that praying works, no matter what.

Praying Works…no matter what…

Here is the clincher in all of this prayer working and stuff…you have to believe that the things that you are petitioning Spirit about are going to happen – those things, or better.

That is the only way that the Law of Attraction can work – it takes an equal amount of energy that is balanced, and balanced in many ways and with many things involved and things that not a lot of us think about when we are praying. This is where the science of it all comes in and the way that we have been trained (read:LIED TO) to think is that there is only one way to get our way, and it is the right way – it is called Praying. What we are NOT told is that what we are actually doing is sending our very distinct energy along with our very distinct vibration along with our most prevalent thought and through this mechanism called prayer, we are getting our lives on the Paths we each and all belong on.

Once we can get away from the ego-sense of “getting what we want” and more, the idea that there are a few of us on this planet who still think that the reason we would pray is because we want to turn our personal god into the junkyard dog that it is not. Prayer, you see, is our direct connection to the Divine.

Direct Connection to the Divine

This is the part that I like the most – the part that I get to tell my readers things that they were not taught or told in church when they were small kids.

Perhaps it is just me and my thoughts about it all but, for some weird and odd reason, lots of pastors like to pretend that they are the very ones, are the only ones, who have the right frequency when addressing their specific god.

The thing that I like making clear to EVERYONE is that you can call your god “God” or “Godde” or “Ralph” or “Ignacius” and it won’t matter, because no matter what, we are all Divinely connected to Spirit. There is no level that is greater or stronger than is anyone else’s, and the truth of the matter is that in the eyes of Spirit, we are all the very same – there is no one who is better than anyone else, and there is no one who has more pull in the eyes of whatever form or name you address your own personal deity as – it is all One Source.

Let not one other human being tell you that there is some sort of …caste system…in terms of praying and who is able to get Spirit to hear our words better. There is no one better than anyone else, just those who are more adept at praying because it is their Spiritual gift.


Praying effectively is a GIFT OF SPIRIT

Not all of us are able to use prayer in the manner that a whole lot of people, specifically those who are considered to be “old school” are. This is where the thing our grandmas taught all of us of a certain era the fluid nature, the beauty inherent within, the truth in every word said as a prayer.

We do not realize that the other thing that we were not taught about, and that that is no matter what you want to believe – if you believe in your own prayers and the strength inherent in them all and each, you will get what you need – perhaps not what you think you want (which is always the truth, even if the truth is going to suck) but totally and truly and only what your soul needs to move on to the next level of things.

And bear in mind, please, that we are always and ever moving on to the next level of things, even when it seems otherwise. When it seems otherwise is when we are squarely in the middle of things, squarely in the heat of it all, and truly in the midst of change. This is the thing that we are not taught during those times as kids, sitting in the pews, told to trust an unseen god and to follow these archaic rules that this unseen god needs us to heed. I am here to tell you that those rules only apply to those who are following the tenets of that belief and that the idea that anyone’s big scary god picks and chooses is just and only that – a damned idea, but one that never pans out.

Yet, that is beside the point. The thing about this writing today is that we all need to understand that when it comes to the things in our lives that we need on the ethereal level, the one thing that no one thinks about is that always, prayer works, even though the way that it works is NOT to bring us what we want…because those things are ours to see to with the help of Spirit backing us. Prayer works because we have a belief in our own power as souls who are worthy of the beauty that is life, and that even as we have to (yes – HAVE TO) go through things that we do not understand are actually serving us, we forget that all things come to an end, and that this also applies to things that suck.

The way that prayer works in terms of changing things is on the internal level, where it is that the quantum field reacts the best, because the quantum field, according to Richard Feynman, is composed of “little things composed of littler things that jiggle.” It is in the jiggle of the prayer energy where we will find the miracle we plant the seed for, and not in the end result we hope to see happen. When we pray with the intention that we are praying for the entirety of human life, with the thought that the thing we are praying about is the thing that will bring us the most good in terms of life on the planet – we are praying for the highest best good, period, not only for ourselves, but for the entire race of humans, even the ones we don’t get along with.

When you feel like nothing else will work, and you have exhausted the monies you have set aside for all of these great self-help things, and when you are done with spending money on other peoples’ methods for addressing the Divine, you can pray.

Praying is free. Praying allows you to hear your own fears as they present themselves in the manner that they have that would cause you to feel like you need to do something in order that you can feel better about anything at all, specifically anything that you are confused about.

Praying is private and is the one thing that anyone of us can do at any time at all, even if it is a last minute thing. Praying brings the very soul to the body for assistance, which is not something that all of us thinks about when we are praying – typically it is the body coming to the Soul, but when we pray, because prayers are spoken, even whispered, it is the Soul coming to the body for assistance.

Prayer is personal, and it includes our very personal energetic signature, meaning that so long as we are ever true to who we are, and even though it might take a little longer than we care to wait for things to change, prayer is the thing that, so long as we believe (and do so like a Pisces – it is our motto = “I Believe”…and typically, we are right in our belief…rarely are we not) in the power, not only of our words, but more, of our Souls as Self.

It is the Soul as Self that actually directs things. When we pray, we ought to do so from the very core middle of our Souls as Self. The Soul as Self is the Soul with your distinct and unique personality attached to it. It is the part of the very each of us that reaches out when things are ugly, when things hurt, when things are a confusing mess and when things just seem to not be agreeing with what it is that we have had mapped out for our lives and our future. I know this one very personally.

Very Personally….’tis the Goddess Who I Know so very well

Like my mother knows her own personal god so very well, I, too, know the One to Whom all of my fervent prayers go to.

We all have our own deity.

Mine is the Goddess.

I come from an indigenous culture, and one rife with many different gods and goddesses, and all of them created by us, in our own image, and through us, via our own personal power. This way, there is no chance that what has happened the world over in terms of gods and religious belief cannot happen when we are talking about being personally connected with our own beings of Divinity.

Mine is the Goddess.

I know the Goddess, because I place my own well-being, not in Her hands, but, in my hands and trust that She will guide my hands as they write, and as they research, and as they give love and receive love. My hands do my talking for me, in both writing and in dance, and my hands are the things that I ask to please continue to give to me the things that I need to get my own point across, to please be the very vehicle through which understanding by the masses in terms of Spirit and all things strange comes to the world by, and most importantly, to please never allow these hands of mine to become violent, to do harm to others with them, knowing that I could do a whole lot of damage that way, and that way does not need to happen, at least not by my hands.

Seriously – PRAY

Pray for EVERYTHING in your life, and believe the things that you pray for are the very things that, in your life, are needed so as to make that life become all that you envision it being.  Pray when things are bad, but more than that and more importantly, PRAY WHEN THINGS ARE AWESOME AND WHEN YOU DO, DO NOT FORGET TO HAVE AN ENERGY OF GRATITUDE, even if you feel like you don’t wanna do that, because maybe you might feel like you have nothing to really be grateful for. And really, there is ALWAYS something to be very dearly grateful for, even when things are shitty,there are things to say “thanks” for  (such as our ability to think, to pray, to make shit happen on our behalf….)

Seriously, when you have no peace, and you need some, practice your own measure of prayer.

Seriously, when you have to think about something that you would rather not, and you believe that you have a choice to make that the only choices are “shitty” and “shittier” and of those two choices, you have to take the shittier one – PRAY, because in your whispered moments you will find out that all along, you have had the very answers that you needed.

Seriously, when the shit hits the fan, as Polly Ana as it might seem to be, pray. Pray right then and in that moment, and pray because it was the thing that you turned to as a saving measure, not for anything more than to save you as a child from being terrified of things that you have had no control over.

Just pray.

No matter what, do like your own Nana taught you and pray child, pray !! 





Behind the Mask is the Freedom of Truth…


The entirety of humankind has been through the very most tumultuous time in life, and lots of us are still going through it all. What no one is thinking about is the thing that has happened, and it is revealing as to who we are for real. Who we are for real is nothing short of Magnificent, even if it feels or appears to be otherwise. I Promise you each and all…it isn’t.

My friends, the one thing that not a lot of us can see or feel right at this moment is relief from the emotional ugliness that we have been feeling, and feeling due to the tangible awareness that is collectively ours at this time. There are so very many of us right this moment experiencing losses that are astounding on many levels, and the one level that it is most important that we understand that this is all taking place because of, is the level of the Soul.

The Level of The Soul

Until someone comes into our lives who can explain the reason behind things that suck and that happen in our lives are meant to show us where we are growing and where it is that the changes being made there are for our growth and lend to the person who we are becoming, we will only see the things contained within that energy as being destructive (which it is, but this does not make it a bad thing. Please, keep reading) to who we are in the manner that is making us believe that we are meant to no longer be in this consciousness. The other thing that happens is that we, through no fault of our own, will come to a point where we finally and forgivingly, will think about what is best for us, rather than trying to appease someone else, all so that we do not have to go through the guilt of having been part of something that did not pan out or perhaps that we believe has harmed another person.

I have this friend…

Seriously, I have this friend who I spoke with this morning and who, for a very long time, was not realizing the level of hurt that he was bringing to another very good friend. The friend from this phone call truly needed to be told the truth of things, even though, by right of what I am (ordained), there were things that I could not explain to him, not only because the law will not allow me to, but, because those things are the very things that this man is learning.

When we are given to the pains that we do not realize are teaching us how to deal with those pains, we fret, we get ugly verbally, we make threats as to what we are planning to do – to them, to ourselves, to everyone and anyone at all, and all we have to do is have the understanding the only the vocabulary needs to change so that we CAN have OUR OWN PERSONAL understanding of things, namely the ugliness in our lives.

We might not like those pains, and we might not like the things that we are learning, and we might not understand why it was that we had to go through anything at all. What we do understand is that we are hurting, and we are confused and we are not in the energy that we prefer to be wrapped in. We humans prefer to be wrapped in comfort, specifically in the comfortable things that made us feel okay in the past. What we are not each and all (myself included) thinking is that it is NOT the comfort that we are seeking, but more a way of not having to experience that same discomfort.

This is a very human thing to do. It is also a very ego-self thing to do, seeing as that being human beings, we are going to do everything we can to not have to feel that pain. Some of us avoid the pain by avoiding all of the things that would bring us pain (such as responding to texts, emails, answering phone calls and voicemails…I am a HUGE HUGE violator of this one…HUGE), while others of us numb our pain by using things outside of ourselves that will (WILL) harm us physically. Of course, there are those of us, in fact the majority of us, who want to believe that we will wake up one day and all of this shit will be magically gone and over with.

Yet, we each and all also know that once we are done with this process and finished dealing with this one pattern that is particular to all of us, we go through the process, the very one that we, from the time that we were younger people, created. And the one thing that I really need understood is that there is no wrong way to feel about these things. The way that we feel about anything at all is just that – a feeling, and really, the only thing that anyone’s own feelings are going to hurt is the person who is having those feelings. When the feeling goes away (and it takes time for it to go away and become something other than what will make us continue to hurt) and we see the realness of what we are feeling for real is when the healing process can start.

I say “can” start because we have to choose it.

We have to choose to be whole. We have to choose it that there is a reason to be okay, and we have to choose it to be this way because in being this way we are also able to know that from it all we have learned valuable things about who we are for real, about who loves us the way that we need to be loved in the manner that Spirit also needs for us to know that we are worthy of. We need to know that what we are going through is meant to be a two-fold thing – meant to teach us what we need to know, and meant to give us the gift of our stronger, truer Self.

The thing that we are never taught when we are kids is that we are meant to be stand alone in our power, and being stand alone in our power requires that we go through the same things that others like us are also going to go through at another time in their lives. It is our job to be able to counsel these people when the shit hits the fan in their lives. We have to be able to tell complete strangers that they are going to live through this, that this is not the end of the world but rather and only the end of the part of life that no longer serves them with a purpose that also lends to serving the grander purpose that we each and all are meant to live out in this lifetime.

When I presented my good friend with the other side of his possibilities, and told him that right this moment, regardless of what he wants to hang on to, regardless of what it is that he is hoping, the one thing that I am most proud of this person for is recognizing that lots of what he is going through right now is no one’s doing but his very own. He knows that he has to be there for him first, that nothing that he does is going to make things different and that no way can we go backwards to change the past – he knows, very well at this stage, that he must move forward, because in doing so, he will grow and will realize that he was meant for this to happen this way, as he was learning something very dearly important.

Things that are very dearly important

We assign measures of importance to things, to times in our lives, to people and to energies. What we do not think about when we are doing this is that we are not only limiting the power symbolized by those things, but, we are also, because at that moment we choose to become dependent on the power that we have assigned to that rune, as given by the rune, which in turn creates the symbol to become an idol, and idol worship is a no-no.

What we can do with those things is we can use them to create an energy within, giving ourselves the power that we have assigned to the things we love so very much.

Lots of people want to ascribe ugly energy to people like me. I suppose, and this is not the thing that I, myself, believe, that if we have to get down to the understanding of certain ethnic words, that the word “Kahuna” could entirely mean “witch.” While this is a way for those who do not know what this actually means and neither the power inherent and contained within it, it is not the truth of the word.

While it can be applied to me (come on now…we all know the truth of this – I LIKE THE WEIRDNESS…lol…please, keep reading), what cannot be is the idea that what I do, in that energy, is evil, because it is not (being a Healer who is also a practitioner of the Craft is NOT evil – BY ANY MEANS…) (“The Craft”…”Divine Arts”…”Miracle Working” – IT IS ALL THE VERY SAME). This applies in the manner that is the idea that people who do the things that I do are evil, that all we are doing is wrecking the world for the future, and that where we came from (in the indigenous sense) never really existed until some people from a far more …westernized and advanced place…came and took what was ours. 

This can apply in a sense in terms of what you are reading here – when we realize that not only did we believe what it was that was bad that others have said about us, but, we chose to wear it, because at the time, it seemed to fit – we realize who we are for real. When we chose to remain as that which we might have been at one time in the past, we end up stifling ourselves, and through that stifling we also end up remembering who we were and who we were at times in our lives when the energy that is prevalent will allow us to recall. For a lot of us, those memories, while they are rife with beauty, they are also rife with pain, even if the pain involved is because of the hurt caused by the loss of that memory.

We hurt from these things for a reason

The reason is simple – because those things, no matter how much we love them, no longer serve us.

I am not saying that there are people who we gotta get rid of, memories that we would be better off not having, even though they are memories that contain the value of who we were to these others at another time in our lives, things we have not grown attached to. I AM saying that we are still valued by them, except that our value has been raised because we are not the same people who we were. I AM saying that those memories taught us about who we were then, helped us become who we are now, so that we would be able to finish creating the newer, higher-minded version of our Self. I AM saying that those things that we love so very much can be held in our hearts, if not in any tangible means. This is not saying to get rid of things, or even to say goodbye to them. It is stating that we no longer have to think of them as being a powerful thing in our lives at this time. It is stating that for all intents and purposes, those times, people, memories, things all played a very crucial role in the becoming of You.

The Becoming of You

This is the part that not a lot of us thinks about – we are becoming who we are supposed to be. If we are becoming who we are supposed to be, everything that we once were will no longer serve us. No matter how much we think we need them to, no matter how much we want to reach back there and try to make that version of us fit into the higher-minded version of the lives that now we are living, no matter what – when something has been purposeful in our lives, and that actual tangible thing, no matter how much energy we put into it, no matter how much we want to complete what we think is the mission in terms of that one thing or energy – NO MATTER WHAT – when the time for us to learn from that thing, or the loss of that thing, has come, we have to let it go. If it is meant, it will be ours again, no matter what.

The Universe is funny that way.

The Universe will hurt our feelings so that we don’t harm our reality. The Universe will make tears fall, so that sometime in the future, we can know that the reason that they fall are many, but that in that one instance, they are needed, for whatever reason it is that they feel like they are going to fall. The Universe wants us to know that it knows that we hurt, but the Universe also wants us to know, too, that we are being prepared for bigger, and better…everything. The way that we know this is through the people in our lives.

The people in our lives are there for a reason. In my life, there is one person who came in about three years ago and made me know that whatever I was told by anyone else about me in terms of being who I am, those people were wrong. The Maestro, no matter what anyone, including he, wants to believe of himself, is the same in equivalent energy and in terms of prowess as mediumship, healer and seer, that I am. He does not understand how it is that the one person who he deems as being the most highest form of that weirdness has equated her very self with him, but it is the truth. When we are shown the truth of us through others, and we spend a significant amount of time with those others, not only do their habits and the like tend to become our own (and good goddess let’s hope they are the good ones and not the ones that we are each and all trying to remap in our brains), but, so, too, do the abilities.

I have a very dear ability with all things weirdness. He does not realize that so, too, does he.

When we look at those in our lives who are the very closest to us, and we see in them what it is that we want also for ourselves…we do not realize that right at that moment, that one thought is activated…

What thought, and about whom, will you be activating? Which one of those people closest to you will you be seeing in your Self today?






It Can Be A Tomb…or a Womb…


I can’t lie to anyone, and anyone who knows me also knows this about me. I have one of those things called a guilty conscience, namely when it comes to things that other people are going through. I reach out with the best intentions. Sometimes, I am confused and confounded, not just by my own self, but actually by the world and its grief. I thought it was not supposed to still be this way, but, it is. And it is the words, again, in my world, that I am hearing right now…I know what are my own Truths. My internal guidance system, that thing within us all that guides us to our lessons or away from turmoil, should we choose it that way, tells us our core truths.

Our core truths are there regardless if we want to believe the energy or not – the truth is one thing…unchangeable.

The Unchangeable Truth

At the moment, I am dealing with a Truth that I really don’t want to deal with, because the bottom line is that it is not my Truth. It can be anyone else’s truth at all, but, I know, for sure, that the things that were said of me and to me are not the Truth. What is the Truth is the very opposite of those things. At this moment, this is exactly how I am dealing with this – by knowing what is the Truth, and in knowing so, at least on some level, I am somehow set free from the bounds that tried to keep me in that energy that is someone else’s Truth about me – to them it can be true. To me, it will never be. It can be, as I have already stated, anyone else’s truth at all, but, in my core, and because of all that I know I have done and been through, it is not mine, and it never has to be.

I am who calls it in terms of my own Truths. For the most part, I am very big on tangible Truths. A tangible Truth is a Truth that I have witness to my being this way. I am this way for a good purpose, because for too long in my life I have been doubted, called names, and a whole host of other wonderfully horrid things. The unfortunate part is that for a long, long time -almost 47 years….I believed it all. I know better. I probably always have. However, in the grander scheme of things, the way that we are taught to be accepted by others, all those years ago, simply just is WRONG. I am living proof of this.

I am not the same me who I was just five years ago. This is the Truth.

There are plenty of Truths, and all of them may or may not be believable. The things that I was told earlier are not believable. If they were, I might be hurting lots more than I am right this moment, but right this moment, the pain, while I cannot stand it, is teaching me something. Whatever it is will reveal itself in time. For right now though, I am planning on just sticking with what I DO know as being the absolute Truth that is Mine.

While I might not be happy about it, what I am is very strong in the idea that no matter who thinks or says what they will, about anything concerning me, I know the actual Truth.

Tomb? Womb? What has the Truth to do with either of these other than the absoluteness of the Cycle of Life? 

Here is where all of this….other peoples’ Truth…comes in…

The word that I had heard was “tomb,” and not but a day and a half later, I started seeing and hearing the word “womb” all over the place. It was said to me the other day at the weirdness store that I frequent, was told to me by a cousin who just gave birth, was studied this past week in terms of what I am learning at school in my Abnormal Psych class…the word “womb” has been in my head for a reason, and I am sure that this blog and the thing that I have learned, even though the way that I had to learn was not the nicest way, is that we can see our lives, even when they are shitty, even when things are not going our way and mostly absolutely when things seem like they are never going to be able to be turned around for us, either as a tomb that is going to encase us in the miry goop of turmoil, or, as the womb, which is dark, cramped and probably not very comfortable. Either way, this is the truth.

We can see our Turmoil as a chance to see the opportunities that we do not realize are lurking, and have the chance to be rebirthed into a new life of our own Creation.

Or, we can see our turmoil as being the thing that directs our lives, makes things happen or not happen, is the core Truth of us. It is not. The more that we think this way, the more that we bring into our lives the thoughts and the manifestations that will always and only bring us that which we fear the most, no matter what it is. What we are not realizing at all times is that the majority of the time, it is not an actual thing, life event, other person, that makes our lives tumultuous and filled with turmoil. It is the way that we are perceiving them, and yes, I DO know that for a very long set of years, I was encased in a cocoon of pain, and it was pain that I was not meant to carry, but to learn from. Our perception of things as being unable to be corrected by our own brilliance is what stops us. We do not realize that we are bigger than we think we are. We are more powerful when we are at what we perceive as being a point of weakness. We prove how strong we really are.

It took me a long time to accept it but, the truth of the matter was that, even as I was not the one who was solely responsible for anything that happened to me and by action and words of others, my part in all of it was that I allowed myself to believe that I was powerless to do a thing to keep me protected. I felt, because of what I believed, that I have been the one who has had to explain themselves. No I don’t. I am my explanation, and everyone knows this about me. This is also why I am …numb.

I am not powerless. This is what I learned from all of those years of being abused, of being told who I am by other people who really have no idea of who I am. While I was in turmoil, I was not powerless, and when a person is being abused, the one thing that that same person will feel is powerless, no matter who says what to them, no matter who tries to teach them to feel empowered simply for being alive and breathing – we are the ones who make it possible that we are also the very ones who willingly believe all of the ugly things that happen to us are because we deserve them to happen.

Again….one of those things that is not the truth. Yet, no matter how much any one of us wants to experience a different Truth, the bottom line is that we will not ever be able to do that unless or until we are also and willingly able to grasp on to the idea that the things that people have said to us throughout the course of our lives might have been the truth about us a long while ago, but, people change. With those changes, people grow. When we grow, we outgrow what was the very truth of us a long time ago, and we realize that we are not the person who we were all those years ago.

In fact, once it is that we can wrap our heads around a few things, mostly things that we are not able to accept, this is when the healing begins.

The truth in healing begins when we are able to see things from a different perspective, able to know that the reason why anything we have to let go of, lose or go away from us are meant to do a few things – to bring to us the same thing again, only made more refined, or, something better. The Universe always and only grants us with the things that we need, and once it is that we have learned what we are supposed to learn, this is when the actions that are meant to happen, happen, and while we might not like those actions, the truth is that sometimes, we need them to happen. We need them to happen because we need to make room for other, perhaps better things, or the same things but more refined. It is tough, I know, to wrap our heads around this but, at the moment called “Now” it is really all I have to give to me….

We need them to happen because without them happening, we will not learn, grow, and if we do not do either of these things, we will surely feel it. We will know it on  a level that we would rather not, and most of the time, that level is where we believe we are supposed to stop. What no one who is trying hard to become more enlightened knows or wants to believe is that growth is not easy. It is not easy, it is not kind and it is not for those who are not willing to learn about themselves.. .so as to better who they are, with the inclination towards their going out into their own world to make their world a better place, but not only for themselves, but for those who are closest to them.

The only reason that things get worse is because we are not looking at the energy that is behind it all.

The Energy That is Behind It All

I refuse to believe that who we are is not meant to be the most important person in our own lives. This is something that I learned about me, about one other person, who knows that they are important, but, given the current situation, no one can blame them for feeling like they are not.

What is the subject of this writing is that ultimately, we, ourselves, are the very ones who choose between the tomb, or the womb. It is simple physics at the quantum level: that which we focus ourselves on, happens. This is not my rule. This is science. Whatever it is that we focus on the most is the thing that happens.

Sure, we might have all the right intentions in the world, but, even the best intentions are never going to materialize if we doubt ourselves, doubt our abilities, doubt our strength.

At the moment I am doubting my own strength, believing that I will not be the same once the smoke clears and things can be seen for what they truly are right this moment. Right this moment everything is an ugly, shitty, hurt-filled mess, and it is not only me, or this other important person, or any one person in particular. It is the very all of us.

Collectively, we are in this tomb of our own creation caused by our well-deserved feelings of terror and peril and exhaustion at the emotional and spiritual levels, and one that is very dark with thick walls, surrounding us with this feeling and making us believe that we will not make it out of this shit alive.

I beg to differ.

And I do so because I am not one who any longer, I have found, can truly, after the thing that happened to one other person, and the thing that was begat from the thing that happened to one other person, state that collectively, we have entombed ourselves in this very thick wall of grief. It is with very good reason -it is because we are, collectively, at a loss. When we are in the midst of the feeling of the emotional nature and fire within us is when we are there and present and in the very pain of the moment. We do not realize how tired we are. We have been industrialized to the point and belief that who we are depends on what we do (I know …I get it….I do so much reading, all the time, that I am shocked that I can still see…if there is one thing that I voraciously Am, it is being someone with a keen, stealthy mastery of words. I am never without my words…they soothe me).

When I find myself to feel as I do right this moment, which is in a very …busy….yet pronounced, energy of pain… I have no place else to put this other than into as many words as I can. I promised myself that the next time something big and painful happened in my life, that I would not be afraid to at least express myself in the manner that I have always. But, this time, there is more to it than meets the eyes. Even my own.

What this is is the representation of my present self as being in the Womb.

In which, I realize now, after having spoken with Gator, that I have eluded to this tomb that I have been in since I was a child for far too long. The pain is too much. I feel a nauseating mixture of grief and anger, both at the same time, as well as a deep, abiding warmth that I can only call Love.

And I am quite numb at the moment.

It is simply Spirit’s way of soothing an ache that I have mourned for the last…call it twelve weeks…

A Violent Rebirthing for Us All…


I am not talking to anyone specifically, even as I am addressing my pain as best I can without thinking that this is somehow my doing.

Stuff ain’t easy right now, for a lot of us. I know that doesn’t make it any easier reading it but, if you made it this far, and you are still alive, it means that you still have something to do while you are here. It means that you have purpose and that you have meaning in this lifetime and that you are meant to be here. When I tell people – anyone at all – that the ugliness that we are all feeling at this time is everywhere. We are each and all, on some level, entombed in the pain of right Now.

I know that I am.

I always am.

And I am because I am so very materially limited in my ability to help others right this moment, and not only one person, but a few, and hell yeah – it hurts like hell. 

It hurts like …Tequila can fix it (but I won’t let it ever again), and hurts like “What the hell? HUH?”. It hurts like ….ouch.

All the way around.

I have been in this pain for twelve weeks now.

In twelve weeks I have been in a minor car accident (second one within a year’s time), twisted my knee that is on the tail end of the mend, have had to endure more of the shit that I already endure in this house (and I spend a LOT of time outdoors…yep…I am asking it, too… “how in the FUCK? is THAT happening?”…good question…anyway…), make certain that my schoolwork is done and my grades do not suffer, deal with three sick people almost all the time, and of course, suffer slings and arrows in many of my own very important relationships…the ones that matter to me the very most.

In all of them, I am sure that we each and all have been in so much pain, for so long now, that at this juncture in our collective lives, it is coming to the surface – figuratively, and literally. If we each and all looked at one another, we would see there, in the faces of our global family, this pain of loss, of grief, of exhaustion, and all of us just keep on plugging away. We do it because I have a saying, and every person on this planet who I share a dear closeness with and know me best know that I am fond of saying and repeating that where there is breath, there is hope. 

It might seem a strange thing to say, and might even border on being very much a new age thing, but it isn’t. It is just something that I have always believed. I have always believed, no matter how much we tend to think otherwise, that that which is supposed to live will breathe until it is not supposed to. You cannot imagine how many times, and neither from how many people, I have heard from, wanting to just no longer breathe anymore….and how dearly saddened I am that this is their Truth. I cannot deny another’s Truth. I cannot state that I do not place emphasis on outcome where my own life is concerned, because I do, much as we all do. Yet I also cannot let go of my own Truth which is indeed where there is breath, there is Hope. 

Knowing this is the only way to really understand how it is that what we are going through at any given time in our lives, does not define who we are, to anyone at all, and it should not ever define us to ourselves. We are who and what we are on purpose – Divine purpose. We are not here by some flaw, or by accident, but with purpose, and that purpose is so that through digging into the shit pile of pain, we find that diamond there. We find what it is that is relevant and true and filled with Love that is the very Truth of us. When we realize that the tomb is only where your old behavioral patterns of self are left, and in their wake are birthed, little by little, these versions of our own selves as our Truest Selves. We can think of our lives as being our tomb. We might even have something in our lives that would cause us to have a place to see it as this.

However…you can also choose to see it as the womb from where you will be rebirthed. You don’t realize, really, that you have been going through the throes of violence from the birth of Self that your Soul called in, and not because of anything other than that. You do not understand this pattern, but in the future you will be able to see it, and you can call it and you can allow one part of your Self to die in it while it allows a new version of that part to come shining through, like a butterfly in a cocoon.

This is what I am calling my …mailbox…that I call this house – it is the womb.  As of this moment, it is my Womb.

I don’t know how else to feel right now.

I don’t want to talk about it.

This is not really talking about it …the thing that is making me numb at the moment…

…but more about what I am feeling as being the collective angst, and experiencing it on that level, so that I can stay numb from what is here and Now and in my own personal world…




Gratitude and the Reality it Creates

If You really want to see things change for the better, practice Gratitude daily and watch beautiful things take time to happen like Magick.



I say it a whole lot – in all of this life stuff that all of us are living, one of the very most important things that any human being can do is to wake up everyday and consciously practice gratitude.

The graphic that you are looking at might not scream to anyone who does not know what the photo means to me, specifically, or to one other person, but, the energy that is emitted from this photo, to me, and I am almost guaranteeing it, the one other person, that I am deeply thankful, every single day of my life for almost the last three years for the presence of this person to whom the world knows I refer to as “Maestro.” It is my daily practice, after I have opened my eyes for the last time after what seems like the 40,000th time throughout the night and into the break of dawn, to have Gratitude for this person I call my other half, my three kids, my soul family, my best girlfriends, my health, my education, the things that make me know that even though shit is shit right now, it is indeed showing signs of improvement.

…and no, I am NOT saying that “shit is shit” between myself and my other half. In fact, things between myself and my other half, even though all this shit is still shit, are beautifully gorgeous, happily magical, and the energy that is Love and deep and true. What I am saying that “shit is shit” is all about is everything surrounding our shared life, our separate lives apart from one another, and of course, our singular lives as our own selves. Our own selves are sort of a big fat deal. And indeed I am not only talking about myself and my other half, and in fact am addressing humanity as the awesome bigness that we are.

Since it is that we are all and each a very important part of this…bigness…it makes sense to this Kahuna that as big a deal as we each and all are, we each and all ought to be practicing Gratitude on the daily, not because you are waiting for better stuff to hit your life, but because you know that without having been through a whole lot of crap that hurt your soul, you would not be the Magnificent Creatures that you, that we all truly are. If everyone on this planet knew just how amazingly we are each created, and if we knew just exactly how very powerful we are, we would be more inclined to wake up daily thanking the Goddess for the ability to breathe.

What happens when we consciously practice Gratitude

Not everyone knows what I am writing about when I write stuff about Richard Feynman and “Feynman’s Flower.” Yet, I am pretty sure that everyone on the planet knows how to show Gratitude. When we practice Gratitude, we are giving that magnetic energy, not in hopes of more stuff that we can say thanks for, but, for things that we will, regardless of what anyone believes, automatically have an attitude called Gratitude about.

In a very basic manner, when we have Gratitude, we are emitting that energy out into the Universe. Anyone who is strange like I am knows that that which we give is also that which we will receive, because magnetically, like attracts like (and how many “gurus” have we heard over the years and in terms of the Law of Attraction, say to :have an attitude of Gratitude”? ….and how many of them were willing to explain what that meant without charging a minimum of about a hundred bucks for what I am about to share, right now?…yup…I sense the half grin/half grimace…please, keep reading…).

Anyhow….our thought energy (remember, please, that you are magnetic in nature) carries lots and lots of …stuff in it to make the matching stuff to that magnetic vibration find that which is emitting the invitation (signal). This is not some sort of new age way to get all of the tangible things in your life that you want (even though it does happen). What it is is something that we are born with – we are born with the ability to attract what we need, and when what we need is also what we want we have the very evidence of our magnetic nature in front of us, in a tangible manner, and it is undeniable.

And this does not only work for good things. You see, when we emit a desperate energy (“want”) we get more to be desperate about. However, when we emit a neutral energy (because we cannot immediately go from desperate to neutral that fast and hope that the energy is pure enough to not get all scrambled), and think a thought about that one thing that is believable, lovely things happen. I know that lots of folks reading this right now will think that I am bananas, and you would be right (three shrinks worth of right at one point in my life), while others would think I was ….genius, sort of….and again, you would be right. When we have doubts, when we think we do not deserve something in our lives, when we are desperately seeking some sort of evidence that life is “meant to be shit” at the moment (and temporarily so)…whenever we are in need of relief, the one thing that we gotta remember is that there are things in our lives right in this moment that we can have Gratitude about.

If we think deeply enough about it, the very all of us can each and all think of one thing to have Gratitude for.

How to practice having Gratitude (on the daily, even)

So, there is this “guru” guy on the net. I am not going to mention his name and neither his company. All I am going to say is that this cat believes that it was HIS “invention,” the practicing of Gratitude everyday. It isn’t. NO ONE CAN CLAIM TO OWNING SOMETHING AS HUMAN AS BEING ABLE TO SHOW GRATITUDE, and even though he is selling this as somehow something that we each and all do not already have a damned clue about, I am going to tell you now how to do this.

  1. Wake up and think about one thing that you have Gratitude about
  2. Have Gratitude for it
  3. Try to think of something else that you can show Gratitude for.

As ugly as my life has been at times, and even as I have driven my friends, a few cousins, my Maestro, Mama No up the damned walls with my impatience towards certain things and people (oh my Goddess!)…the one thing that I KNOW I have done, for as long and as far back as I can remember, is to have Gratitude for even one damned little thing, each and everyday.

When I think of that one damned thing everyday, and place the energy that is Gratitude for it being in my life, I am typically going to receive more of it..again…Maestro is my greatest example. When I respond to his lovely words to me, about me, about who I am and what he believes are my greatest gifts and talents, I am easy to show Gratitude, not only to him, but to the Goddess for him. I am true in this energy, because I know that he is true in his. I am comforted by the fact that on the other side of the freeway and not very far from me is this person who I have loved for what seems like many, many lifetimes. Because I am very Gracious about his presence in my life, The Goddess has gifted me with more of him, more of his goofiness, and more of his singing to me about me, more of his lovely words, more of the promises that he indeed does keep. Sure, he gets upset a lot, and right now no one with a heart and soul can blame him – he is experiencing a whole lot right now. I am Grateful to be there for him, as much as I am able to be. He shows his Gratitude by being very good to me, so much so that he has formed it as a habit in his brain to be this way with me.

I cannot state that this is a small thing, because it is not. It is indeed and in fact a very BIG thing that he and I have this lovely exchange happening all of the time, and the energy that fuels it is that of appreciation, of Gratitude of the Spiritual sort.

So, like any other time that I write this blog, right now I will show you through an example what my offerings of Gratitude to Spirit (AKA “The Goddess”) looks like during my morning. Lots of “experts” will tell you how much you ought to do in terms of how long it takes or how many things you ought to show Gratitude for. All I am saying is that once you figure out one thing that you are magically happy about and that you show Gratitude for each and every day, you will be able to put on this list that you have more than only one thing. That is how the mind works – it tends to expand itself to the point of limitless once it is that we realize that we are truly limitless, ourselves. Here is what it looks like….

…Thank you for my Maestro, and thank you for how much he cares about me, about who I am and the fact that he calls my sometimes insane manner of thought ‘cute.’ Thank You.

Thank you for my three monkeys, and for keeping them safe and making them know, for sure, for real, and as deep as the marrow of the bones of my very soul, how much their mother loves them. Thank you.

Thank you for this…impossible curiosity about everything ‘school’ and ‘brain’ and being where I am meant to be and finally, forgivingly and after many, many years, being brave enough to conquer the fear of what was, and pour that energy into my studies, into my research, instead of into a towel that is catching my tears…oh MAN Thank you! 

Thank you for the this new ability to be able to see opportunity in calamity, for the ability to see the rubble of my life simply as the mosaic pieces that, once completed, will be the beautiful work of art that I am making it become….

Thank you for my girlfriends…without them, I have no other women to share my heartaches and my girlish dreams with…things that the Maestro cannot relate with, because he is a man…thank you for my girls….and indeed for my only daughter who is one of my most favorite girlfriends on this planet…Goddess thank you so very much for my daughter Gracie…

Thank you for my two sons, the Philosopher mechanic who golfs and the little Shakespeare who loves to skateboard…they are my guys, are my heart and soul….thank you…

The process takes me about thirty minutes in the very early morning hours here in Los Angeles, but without failure, it takes place, and for the last year, I have documented the process, as well as the progress, because yeah….this is brain stuff, too, and because of this much, I am certainly very Grateful for my ability to glean from one thought, many, many others, and those many, many others typically lead me to write down a note or two about the next thing that I am intending on doing in terms of brain research.

This, guys, is how this is done. This is what a whole damned lot of new age ‘gurus’ are trying to sell to you. You don’t have to buy what they are selling. You already know how to do this. You might just not have known why having an attitude of Gratitude works for other people, but did not seem to work for you.

It wasn’t because you did not want to purchase a guru’s program, but because you were not sure that it was going to work for you. It is as easy as saying “Thank you” for one thing, everyday, and truly meaning it.

Ask yourself why it is that you believed that you were somehow not good enough for what it was or is that you want to see and have in your life…then remember it is not that you did not ask, but that you did not know how to get there, or perhaps even how to ask.

So please…now that you know…get there….







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